Cars Can Teach You About Relationships

The guidance of Doc Love, relationship advice for guys was misleading at best. Your father advised anything to do with women or wheels spelled trouble. Your habitually divorced and chronically broke uncle agreed, and then grumbled something about prenups. And while mom was eager to chime in, her suggestions were all “nice girls” whose alphabets clearly lacked the letter “O.”

Turns out that there was a great relationship adviser in the family after all, but it was in the garage. There are in fact quite a few things cars can teach you about relationships -- like the finer points of compromise between high-performance video lust and the still-attractive but more practical realities. So before your creepy cousin with the molester van weighs in on the things cars can teach you about relationships, let us show you some useful advice.

Never buy from a friend

It seems logical enough on the surface. Since you rarely know the full history of a used car, why not buy from a trusted source? During your buddy’s time with the car, you got to know its strengths, its quirks and its overall personality. Maybe it wasn’t a long-term thing with him, but there’s no reason it couldn’t be if you had the car, right? Not bloody likely, and it’s even truer in relationships.

There’s no such thing as an easy project

We see a formerly hot car and we want to rescue it. Or take the unappreciated and cosmetically bring it back. Maybe there’s a quirky one that’s a little rough around the edges but could be a lot of fun with some refinement. In reality, few guys have the patience and resources to see it through. Relationships are no different. You may want to be a Better Man overall, but you don’t want to be forced to fit an idealized relationship. Don’t expect her to change to accommodate yours either.

Flashy cars get noticed

Subdivision activity came to a reverent standstill recently as we piloted the Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG press car toward some isolated twisting roads nearby. Months earlier when we positioned our BMW 750Li xDrive tester far away from other parked cars, we returned from our quick store run to several sets of footprints in the freshly fallen snow around the thankfully untouched car. It’s similar with attractive girlfriends. It’s an ego stroke to be seen with them, and while they can take care of themselves, it’s still worrisome knowing the evil that men do.

Take a test drive before you commit

You figure out the cars you like and begin searching for them in person and online. You definitely don’t buy sight-unseen; you don’t even commit to the first car that seems like the right one at first glance. Many are going to seem right, but you’ll never really know without spending quality one-on-one time on a test drive. It’s just like relationships. Going all-in without going all-in is what your ancestors did. And why do you think they never smiled in those old pictures?

Listen to your car

From time to time, we take our cars for granted. As time and miles go by, we get wrapped up in other things -- like our careers, our kids, hanging out with the guys, whatever. Then one day, out of the blue, there’s a major and total breakdown. The tow truck driver can’t believe you didn’t hear anything wrong beforehand, like when your camshaft launched itself a half mile down the road. You have to be a Better Man and listen in your relationship too. You can’t ignore everyday distractions altogether, just listen to her more.

Sexy rides are usually high-maintenance rides

You can argue with us all day, but we firmly believe cars have personalities. That said, take a typical exotic car owner: He gets as much or more pleasure showing it off as he gets from one-on-one time. That’s because he’s rolling the dice on the car’s personality with every start of the engine. Will it be breathtaking, or a several-thousand dollar heartbreak? We everyday people don’t see the extensive and expensive maintenance that’s part and parcel of ownership. Now, equate that to the Creamsicle riding shotgun and you'll understand the correlation.